Finding Me – Movie Review

Atinuke is in a toxic and emotionally abusive marriage. She struggles with self-esteem issues, has a poor fashion sense, and is constantly disrespected by her husband, Kolawole Phillips. Then, she meets another man who shows her that she deserves better.

Finding Me started well, Atinuke’s story draws you in, and you feel a mixture of sympathy, frustration, and anger. Suddenly, the story shifts, and you’re not really sure what to think anymore. You’ll feel so many things during the 2-hour 35-minute (yes, you read that right) runtime of this film, but the most powerful emotions that stay with you are an overwhelming sense of discomfort and cringe, and you’re thinking, what did I just watch?”

What did I like? 

I liked the storyline. Stories of cheating husbands and women staying in bad marriages are very common, so some might argue that the plot isn’t particularly groundbreaking. But the truth is, everyday issues like this are still relevant and it is important to keep telling them in order to spark conversation and reflection. So, while it’s just a simple story, it strikes a strong chord because, in reality, there are so many women going through very similar, if not worse, situations in their marriages. There are so many men like Kola—narcissistic, manipulative, and emotionally cruel, who constantly take advantage of their partners’ vulnerabilities.

I liked the storytelling at the beginning of the film, it pulled me in. Atinuke’s issue felt so real, you could almost touch it. I alternated between feeling sorry for her and begging her to stop being so gullible. Kola was so annoying! The emotional abuse, the manipulation, the gaslighting, I felt everything, and I was very upset. I was so invested, eagerly anticipating the moment when Atinuke would find her voice, take back her power, and finally stand up for herself.

Acting and casting worked to an extent. The two leads did really well. Personally, I thought Funke Akindele did a fantastic job bringing Atinuke to life. The character needed to be deeply vulnerable and painfully awkward to sell the story, and oh my God, Funke Akindele gave it her 100%. That scene where she wore the red outfit and tried to be sexy? Scarred me for life. It was so wrong, yet so right. Nobody would watch that scene without wincing or outright covering their eyes, which I’m sure is exactly how they wanted us to feel.

Joseph Benjamin did a solid job interpreting his role as Kolawole Phillips. There was just something about the way he looked at her, he didn’t have to do too much, yet you could feel the repulsion oozing from every part of his being every single time.

Dakore would not have been my first choice for that her role but who am I? 🤷🏽‍♀️

One thing I must mention (you all might not agree with me) is that overacting was a recurring problem in this movie. From Femi Adebayo’s performance to Omowumi Dada, there was just a lot of unnecessary exaggeration. It’s hard to tell if the issue was with the actors or if the director did not do enough or the characters were just written that way, but either way, it felt excessive.

Costume and makeup were really good. The braided wigs??? A nightmare. Her clothes and shoes?? An actual disaster. It was the baby hair, the purplish nail polish for me, and I respected the attention to detail. Atinuke’s braided wigs were so bad, it would be difficult for a normal human being to speak to her with a straight face or take her seriously, because, wow! Sometimes, I even felt a little sorry for Kolawole because Atinuke was a lot to deal with. The outfits after her makeover were also really nice.

I must say that I really liked that scene where Ifeanyi (played by Emeka Nwagbaraocha) snitched on his sisters, it gave me so much satisfaction. 

What were the Issues? 

I really don’t know why, but a common problem with most Nollywood films is that they start well, then towards the middle, things get all scattered, and then they rush to the end with a conclusion that just doesn’t hit the mark. This happened with Finding Me.

The first issue I had was her whole relationship with Anthony. I am of the opinion that they should not even have had a romantic relationship at all. They could have built a very solid, beautiful, and heartwarming friendship—one that would have had us, the audience, rooting for them and wishing they would end up together because they just clicked. A friendship where they both grew, helped each other, and healed. But no, instead of giving us that depth, they just rudely dumped us in the middle of the most disgusting onscreen kiss I have ever seen in my life.

Their relationship happened in such a way that we, the audience, were not carried along. It came out of nowhere. This was the first time they were having a conversation outside their usual gym routine and investment discussions, and suddenly, they just started kissing. It was ridiculous. Some would argue that they were both vulnerable, but me o, I disagree. 

My argument is that based on the context of these two characters, for vulnerability to lead to intimacy, there should have been a foundation, a prior connection, no matter how subtle, an unspoken realization of attraction from one or both parties that had either been suppressed or never acknowledged. 

Also, even if Atinuke was vulnerable at that moment, Anthony was not, and this brings me to the next issue posed by their relationship.

That kiss—and everything that followed—completely undermined Anthony’s character. Up until that point, he had been presented as a good man struggling to keep his head above water while dealing with financial burdens. Yet, the moment Atinuke handed him money, he suddenly became romantically drawn to her? It was unsettling. There was no build-up, no meaningful friendship, no shared moments that hinted at growing affection. If they had engaged in deep conversations before then, I could argue that he was attracted to her mind, her resilience, her intelligence. But that wasn’t the case. So what exactly was the pull? Her braided wigs?😫

Worse still, Anthony’s actions started to feel eerily similar to Kola’s. He zeroed in on her insecurities and began feeding her lines like, “You are beautiful just the way you are. Do this for me every morning: Look at yourself in the mirror and say I am beautiful” . I was like baba if you don’t Gerrof! 

It felt manipulative. Instead of being a character we rooted for, Anthony became someone who took advantage of a very married and deeply vulnerable woman. Every time they were together it looked and felt so wrong.

I hated the fact that Atinuke had to cheat to reclaim her sense of self, and I especially didn’t like the fact that Anthony, a man who should have known better, allowed it to happen. Their relationship should have been built on something deeper than just forbidden sex . He was just coming out of a bad relationship himself! But instead of healing, he latched onto a woman at her lowest, reducing their entire dynamic to yet another toxic and ill-conceived entanglement. Their “romance” (I feel off calling it that because there was nothing romantic about it) and his declaration of love wasn’t just unrealistic; it actively ruined the story.

The next issue I had with this film was that it did not do justice to the theme it tried to explore. Finding me was supposed to be about Self discovery, growth and all that good stuff, do you really think Atinuke found herself? Personally, I’d say NO. Atinuke changed her man, change her hair and her clothes but not much changed about the woman within. 

By the time the film ended, her self worth still depended on the validation she got from another man. I don’t even think she ever thought about her job and how to get it back in a big way. I would have liked to see her put that intelligence we heard about to work and grow the business to bigger, rebrand it so it doesn’t remain local and razz like Ada (played by Sharon Ooja) said. I wanted to see actual self awareness and journey to healing—therapy, self-reflection, forgiveness, I wanted to see the moment where she truly saw herself as powerful, sexy, attractive, and worthy. Some might argue that there wasn’t enough time for that, and maybe if this were a limited series, they could have explored it further. But I disagree. They had 2 hours and 35 minutes. That’s enough time for two full movies and a short film—the equivalent of a five-episode limited series. So, please, let’s not use that excuse. More importantly, I wanted to see her get back at Kola in a very strategic way! Not threatening to reveal his sperm count problem. I was like that’s your gotcha moment??! Who cares about the fertility status of a cruel, abusive, and narcissistic man?!

I said it before and I’ll say it again, telling these kinds of stories is important. As familiar as they seem, they create clarity for people going through similar struggles. Another reason this film was so disappointing, was that it missed the opportunity to provide any meaningful insight to women facing this kind of abuse. What should a woman in Atinuke’s situation do? Cheat? Keep fighting to save the marriage?The film didn’t offer any real answers and that’s a major flaw in my opinion.

I must mention one tiny thing that irritated me throughout—the cook with that accent and the talkative driver! That trope is so 2003 Nollywood Yoruba Film era. I couldn’t stand it.

Moving on, let’s talk about the way the film ended. A total mess.

After spending so much time fleshing out fruitless relationships, they suddenly tried to squeeze every important plot point into the last few minutes, making everything feel rushed, underwhelming, and completely unsatisfying.

They found a dead body in Anthony’s car, and then just like magic, the police conveniently found another man with a video of himself confessing to the crime. How convenient. So… when and how did they connect the two cases? Did they even connect the two cases or Anthony was in jail until Ndidi’s sister went to report Kola? When was Anthony released? How long was he in jail? Was Atinuke even aware? What was the time frame for all this? It all happened so fast that it felt like even the writers weren’t sure.

There was the ridiculous blackmail plot between Ndidi and Kola. It made absolutely no sense. What do you mean he handed over $10,000 just because they sent him a picture of his wife cheating? That was wildly inconsistent with Kola’s character—if anything, he would have used it to manipulate Atinuke further, making her even more regretful and submissive. Then Kola hired an assassin to kill Ndidi?! That escalation felt completely out of place.

Then there was the doctor. Why was he arrested? Yes, he did terrible things that would have eventually come to light after Kola’s arrest and Atinuke’s statement, but on what basis was he arrested even before Kola? Why was Kola even running? Was he aware that the assassin had been caught? I thought the fight scene was nonsense. It was just an excuse to trash the house and add unnecessary action for the sake of having a dramatic conclusion.

Also, did you also notice that Rebecca just disappeared and we never saw her again?And that hospital scene? So off, but it was a befitting ending for a movie with so many awkward moments.

Overall, Finding Me was not a good watch for me. Although well-intended, it was a thoroughly misguided film. It had the potential to be so much better, but it tried to equate “Finding A New Man” with “Finding Self” and that just didn’t work for me. Have you seen it? Thoughts?

P.S– Some films can be so deep, they leave you sitting in silence after the closing credits, re-evaluating your life and all that you value. Regardless of its flaws, I hope Finding Me is that film for any woman going through a similar situation, I hope it serves as a mirror, a moment of clarity, a spark, to help them see they deserve so much more! 

My Rating: 3.8/10

Have you seen Finding Me, please share your thoughts with us in the comments below.

Read the review of I am Anis  here.

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